Christmas

What I am about to write is very hard to believe and to imagine. It is just 7am on Christmas morning (well, Christmas Eve morning then) - and I am rested (despite the 4.30 waking) and HAPPY. I am listening to Mahalia Jackson Christmas songs and there are on tears in sight, no sad thoughts, no Christmas panic. 

As I listened to her gorgeous rich voice rise in Hark! the herald angels sing, I thought I should write now, because the next few days I might be busy living life and not thinking about committing it to paper/blog. 

Where did the fear go? 

Don't get me wrong, the tunes and crowds in shops can still make me homicidal, but I have to say I organised my logistics so well this year that shop visiting has been minimal. 

But the fear... being in love like this- this crazy, safe, unquestioning love- makes everything possible. Even creating new Christmas traditions in our family of two (sorry Ed, three).  

Today is flower buying, present wrapping, nail painting and relaxing, waiting for my love to finish work and come home. 

Today is gratitude, genuinely, not just for facebook - for everyone and everything that has helped me claw my way out of what I will call the Greenwood situation and find my feet and heart here in this little shoebox flat. 

The sound of the washing machine, the sunlight streaming in, promise of 32 degrees today - seriously everything strikes me as beautiful today. And there is so much hope in the future.