We only accept the love we think we deserve

or something along those lines.

I had a conversation with Sah a few weeks ago, about why it stuns me with disbelief when someone loves me and why I find it so hard to accept. The reasons elude me, but there is some truth to it, and I don't know where my self love and self confidence got to. Most days it feels like they're present and I do okay, but other days I wring my hands and chew my fingers and wonder about my place in the world.

I went to an employment agency, where my consultant is a friend, and even she pointed out that my entire career history on my cv is like a long apology. Why is this so?

I wanted to write this down, not because I'm feeling grey today, but because I didn't want to forget. And sometimes I need to be reminded to think about this and try and understand. And be gentle with myself.