asfarasclouds...

Well, as far as clouds go- although they appeared, cheeky and winteresque in the sky today, they were utterly absent from my evening.
I took a big deep trembling breath at work today, and wrote down all the things in an email to B about things that were making me feel ick- no accusations, just a statement of facts as simply as I could put them.
And when I hit send, I felt bloody petrified, but also about 80 tons lighter. It was out there. Words that take on shapes of their own. But what the hell was I worried about?
I still don't have a very full and definite grasp of communication, but boy is he helping a lot!

And tonight, after a very grown up meeting with a financial adviser type person, I floated home, thinking to surprise him with a slice of cake (it's carb day, we're allowed)- but there were none left at the pastry shop. So imagine my melting surprise when I opened the door and told him the bad news, only to have him say "that's because I bought the last two"...

I've worked about 2 and a half hours, now a soak and a film, and a textured happy bundle of gratitude.
Tonight for the first time (and it doesn't sound like a big deal but it is) I listened to Flame Trees without a hint of tears. I remember when I came back from Oz and I wanted to play mum the track and I just couldn't, not without imploding. Barnsey's old rustybucket rasping voice and all those images from home. But tonight it didn't hurt.

It might not be spring yet, but the air is still drenched hopefully...