The concert at the Hydey was on Thursday, not Friday. So we went for Tapas instead. We picked up Peter and Betty -a kiscsalad (our little family)- and went to Freo.
It was a wonderful night without conflict, and I am so happy that Betty is in my life. I think it's the best choice Pete ever made. And Peter, increasingly like a grumpy old man, he still has this - I can only describe it as power over me (and probably most of the women he comes in contact with. If anyone else was as whiney and ill tempered and generally pathetic, it would shit me to tears, with Peter I humour him. Family, right?
There was some uneven drumming and tentative salsa on the night (not from us, of course) and the waiter with the dreads (hang on, all the waiters have dreads) remembered us, and even the wine we had last time.
Betty is coming over today after B goes to work, and hopefully without Peter- to talk about the gaps and girly stuff, and to cut my hair finally. We may also go out in search of sensible shoes without glitter or shine or pink or white.
Yesterday at work was not brilliant. The 'you're only as big as your last achievement' came back to haunt me. No, didn't come back, I guess it's always hovering. And what was my last achievement? How much longer can I keep dangling the carrot (wizened now and growing long stray hairs) of my writing in front of my face? If I'm not even brave enough to spend odd hours truly alone with myself, how will I be brave enough to sit with a blank page and aim to fill it with something worthy of attention?
I don't want to be a secretary for the rest of my life, but I also don't know what it is that could make me happy in terms of a job. I really don't want to be in this place for when I turn 30 but I don't know how to jolt myself out of it. And as much as I love being here, I just feel like packing up and starting a new anonymous life somewhere else all over again. Must stop doing that. The darkness of the soul is not lighted by moving the body to another place - who said that?
So - what can I do to lift the mood? Bake, paint, avoid thought and silence. Drive. Walk. Read. Get on with it, whatever 'it' is...
It was a wonderful night without conflict, and I am so happy that Betty is in my life. I think it's the best choice Pete ever made. And Peter, increasingly like a grumpy old man, he still has this - I can only describe it as power over me (and probably most of the women he comes in contact with. If anyone else was as whiney and ill tempered and generally pathetic, it would shit me to tears, with Peter I humour him. Family, right?
There was some uneven drumming and tentative salsa on the night (not from us, of course) and the waiter with the dreads (hang on, all the waiters have dreads) remembered us, and even the wine we had last time.
Betty is coming over today after B goes to work, and hopefully without Peter- to talk about the gaps and girly stuff, and to cut my hair finally. We may also go out in search of sensible shoes without glitter or shine or pink or white.
Yesterday at work was not brilliant. The 'you're only as big as your last achievement' came back to haunt me. No, didn't come back, I guess it's always hovering. And what was my last achievement? How much longer can I keep dangling the carrot (wizened now and growing long stray hairs) of my writing in front of my face? If I'm not even brave enough to spend odd hours truly alone with myself, how will I be brave enough to sit with a blank page and aim to fill it with something worthy of attention?
I don't want to be a secretary for the rest of my life, but I also don't know what it is that could make me happy in terms of a job. I really don't want to be in this place for when I turn 30 but I don't know how to jolt myself out of it. And as much as I love being here, I just feel like packing up and starting a new anonymous life somewhere else all over again. Must stop doing that. The darkness of the soul is not lighted by moving the body to another place - who said that?
So - what can I do to lift the mood? Bake, paint, avoid thought and silence. Drive. Walk. Read. Get on with it, whatever 'it' is...
posted by BanAnna at 11/06/2009 03:15:00 pm
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