Tchaikovsky's Violin concerto is not a good one to listen to at a time like this - it's so rich and mournful i feel like my chest is about to open and all my soul all spill out... but god it is beautiful.

I'm moving to east freo...only for a few weeks, but i think it will do us good. I will be living with a terrier called Archie and a bird (!!!) in a house not two streets from the river and close to Sandy and Paul. If only this guilt wasn't pulling my heart down to the pit of my stomach, but I'm sure I'll get over it. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

I came home to an empty house, made my pilgrimage to the shore, let the wind blow the dullness of the day away. I'm trying to work now, but I feel unbelievably skittish and restless.

Yes, the violin concerto was a bad idea...

"For centuries the bullet remained quietly confident
that the gun would be invented.
a drowning surrealist will not appreciate
the concrete lifebelt.
no guarantee my last goodbye is an au revoir,
i am your father, and this is the way things are"