2006
I am sitting in the bedroom in the blue house on Hampton Road, organising my birthday. The perfect rented beach house in Wilson's Prom, my perfect group of friends. It is going to be legendary.
Then the phone rings.
It is the first time I learn that not only a lover, but a friend can break your heart. Aaron wouldn't come to my birthday because his girlfriend didn't want him to. We've made half-hearted and patchy attempts to keep the friendship going, but it has petered out, and sometimes when I think of our shared times in London, I feel shooting pangs of regret.
I don't believe I ever posed a threat to Aaron's lady. They're still together and going strong, judging by the photos online.
Fast forward three years and it has happened again. With a married friend, whose relationship is over 25 years old and I would have thought, secure. But some line must have been crossed somewhere because female toes have been stepped on again. What am I doing wrong?
I have learned through my own mistakes (and they have been abundant) that jealousy will not hold anyone forever. If there is no trust, then there is no substance. Having said that, I still get jealous, and I petulantly can't (or won't) comprehend why I'm not the centre of the universe for that particular person. But to act on it, and so decisively with such finality is another thing.
I remember Sarah had a best-friend-break-up when we were in year 12, and I couldn't imagine why she was so upset. I have a much better understanding now.
Luckily, the other break-up of the past two days was much more mature, and we are moving around each other quietly, in respectful friendship. It's hard to imagine that this is the full stop I've been moving towards, I don't suppose I'll 'get it' until we live apart.
But yesterday sharing our last bottle of Windance Merlot (it would have been criminal to drink $50 wine alone) and a hunk of brie, we talked about the good days, without bitterness, and although there was a lot of leaking saltwater, it wasn't all completely sad.
How incredibly lucky am I, that life hasn't ever put me in the path of arseholes. My life is full of beautiful people, and if some of them leave then at least I can say I've known them for a time.
Then the phone rings.
It is the first time I learn that not only a lover, but a friend can break your heart. Aaron wouldn't come to my birthday because his girlfriend didn't want him to. We've made half-hearted and patchy attempts to keep the friendship going, but it has petered out, and sometimes when I think of our shared times in London, I feel shooting pangs of regret.
I don't believe I ever posed a threat to Aaron's lady. They're still together and going strong, judging by the photos online.
Fast forward three years and it has happened again. With a married friend, whose relationship is over 25 years old and I would have thought, secure. But some line must have been crossed somewhere because female toes have been stepped on again. What am I doing wrong?
I have learned through my own mistakes (and they have been abundant) that jealousy will not hold anyone forever. If there is no trust, then there is no substance. Having said that, I still get jealous, and I petulantly can't (or won't) comprehend why I'm not the centre of the universe for that particular person. But to act on it, and so decisively with such finality is another thing.
I remember Sarah had a best-friend-break-up when we were in year 12, and I couldn't imagine why she was so upset. I have a much better understanding now.
Luckily, the other break-up of the past two days was much more mature, and we are moving around each other quietly, in respectful friendship. It's hard to imagine that this is the full stop I've been moving towards, I don't suppose I'll 'get it' until we live apart.
But yesterday sharing our last bottle of Windance Merlot (it would have been criminal to drink $50 wine alone) and a hunk of brie, we talked about the good days, without bitterness, and although there was a lot of leaking saltwater, it wasn't all completely sad.
How incredibly lucky am I, that life hasn't ever put me in the path of arseholes. My life is full of beautiful people, and if some of them leave then at least I can say I've known them for a time.
posted by BanAnna at 11/24/2009 11:09:00 pm
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