the uglies

i have to do it today. my head's been full of it for the past few days and i know that going along like this is dishonest.
i feel sick, and nervous and guilty.
I'm going to spend a few nights elsewhere (don't know where yet - i need to make some awkward calls) to give him space to figure stuff out. I wish i could just close my eyes and make all this ickness go away.
but margo and mum and others must be right - life's too short to be unhappy, right? Right?