bonfires, fireworks, vanities, rarities

I wanted to disappear- to return, orange folded triangles of yesterday's sunshine, burning slow sand coloured gaps in tomorrow...

I wrote that yesterday. Head full of...head just full.

Guilt like rainwater pummels
regret
doubt
surely some of the heaviest, ugliest words in the universe!?

Also yesterday. Yet it wasn't a bad day. It was slow, and peppered with exploding fireworks (it being the 5th November and all) and full of swimming thoughts about the future and what to do about it.

Well rested, this morning I kissed the dawn, and came, red nosed and happy faced into work, relishing the slap of winter.

Last week at work wasn't great. I was drowning in unasked questions and found it difficult to put certain things out of my head. SO I put my head in the sand instead. Still haven't responded to G's 'email', and, as Balint suggested, perhaps I should just let it go. At least for now. There is evidently little that we will be able to talk about without me getting angry or just sad.
It seems hardly the right time to strike up intellectual conversations.
Why am I so bitter?

But, forgetting the bitterness- outside is clear and cold and resonant with that particular winter hope.