This year has started ... well, the year has started. I have had shiny days full of quiet sparkle and gratitude, and then days like today, when by the end of it, I just want oblivion in sleep. Except sleep has been elusive lately...and not always for good reasons.

I have been looking for apartments, ignorant of the glaring fact that B is still in our 'home' and I am still guilty enough to keep forking out for it. Pete, Betty and M sat around the table at the pool and berated me - in the gentlest way they could - and told me that it's time to move on this decisively.
I'm trying, and I'm so tired of being a 'nyuszi' - a wuss rabbit who is scared to speak her mind. And then one day, after too much whisky I will just explode and say things I'll regret for a long time.

So that's what I started to write last night. This morning, all rabbity traces are gone. I parked the car at the apartment, and lo and behold who walks out of my apartment, looking for all the world as though she were at home - why it was Balint's ladyfriend. And she was the straw that broke this camel's back. The same way it was Damien Rice that did it with Sacha.
Tomorrow is the last day I pay the rent. From there on in, it's no longer my responsibility. No more Mr Nice Guy. I felt wooooo charged up with assertive power. I've written the email, had it checked by Pete (I think he's feeling pretty proud of me today) and sent it. I'm nervous, of course I'm bloody nervous, but enough is enough.

The other big thing that happened yesterday was my bidding farewell (and christ it was teary) to the best Little Car this side of the black stump. Seeing what I had done to it again was pretty awful, but a lesson has been learned.

The apartment search continues apace... with little success thusfar, but I'm not giving up. I'm geographically certain of "home", now I just have to find an abode to complete the picture. Either that or pitch a tent on Monument Hill...