"...theatre this week"
"Yeah, but you're going to see the Vagina Monologues"
"And...?"
"Well, you might get lofty ideas about wanting orgasms or something.." (ha ha?)
"It would be nice to have them sometimes"

And then the mood died. He brought it up, I don't see why he got in a stinky mood afterwards. So we spent the way home in silence and his goodnight in bed was of the married-for-forty-years-could-be-in-bed-with-my-sister variety. Toneless and without feeling. goodnight

This morning I made us breakfast and got him up and we were ten minutes late and now my mood is hovering somewhere beneath a frog's cold arse.

Good news of today is I spoke to my tutor and she said she was totally flexible and would hold my grades as long as I needed and just to keep emailing and send whatever I could of the essay whenever I could. What a champ. What a lovely lovely Aussie.

More: I had some metrical training today from the lovely Zoe, who is quintessentially English looking. When I walked in to the new office, she was standing straight ahead of me, but did not notice me, and the first words I caught as I walked in, was her saying to Richard: "I'm in love"
And, as I sat through the training, I saw that she really is. Lost mid-sentence she would stare into the middle distance and I felt so jealous.
jealous of that first, flushed time when all you can think about is the other. When every single thought is interrupted by thoughts of how the other looks, how he smells, how his earlobe leaves salt blessings on your tongue, how his hair feels when bunched into your fists. I was jealous. When does that all-involving, all consuming feeling fade? I do still love him, but where's that topsy turvy can't-think-of-anything-else feeling gone?
But amongst the jealousy (or envy rather?) was joy at seeing someone like this. So honestly and totally in love. Today's she's been useless, I had to ask her twice to email me something. But I don't mind. It felt like a celebration seeing her like that today. And I don't really know her, she's just a distant colleague. But here's to Zoe, for being in love. Long may it last.