bliss on wray no more

I packed up the old life yesterday, I say old, but really it was only just over three months old. I had nurtured it and nourished it with my new-found happiness and freedom, and yesterday, I ran sad hands along surfaces still new yet old and familiar to me, and surfaces which I now have to leave. I felt lightheaded and lighthearted yesterday. I felt forlorn. I feel selfish today. I don't want to live with Pete and Betty, I want to have my own spaces back, without having to explain why I'm in a bad mood or a good one. Wray avenue.
Pierre asked if he could offer me anything, coffee, tea or water...I replied that I wanted my bubble back. Raising his arms above his head he said "You can make your own bubble" so now I have to learn how.

Same Old Situation...

Motley Fucking Crue man....I can't believe I've seen (the now podgy) Vince Neil in person. Even if he was but a small blond speck up there on the vast stage. I seem to have been doing a lot of 'childhood visitation' since the semester finished. I've been re-reading Marsden's Tomorrow...series and loving it! And also almost bought "Thunderwith" at Elizabeth's Second Hand bookshop. Almost. And then Motley Crue. Andrew Verheul memories, small 'Verso', swinging his arms as he snuck me the Girls Girls Girls and Dr Feelgood tapes, taped over his parents' Beach boys cassette...Nice.

Things have been up and down lately. I am finding the crammed living really difficult to deal with. It makes me unhappy in this unchangeable way that I can't very well talk about and make the two of them feel awful. I just wish I had my own bubble back. But things with G, thankfully are pretty good. Sometimes I do cringe away from his touch which makes me feel mean but sometimes I honestly feel like a moss covered rock and I feel like I want to stay that way.

Christmas, that evil family-less time is looming and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. G and I will go camping for a few days, get away from civilization as much as we can.

Claudia has found a man. I can't relay how happy it made me. I read her email and it felt like I was reading my own very good news.
And I miss Rob. We all miss Rob. Can't drive the porch without him...

We move this Friday. Away from 31 Wray...away from the heavy memories lodged in the couch, on the porch, in my bedroom, all over my bed. Will I ever see him again? And what if I don't? Isn't it time to move on and try and forget? He is fading, I will admit that, fading slowly but surely.

Change...now it's time for change...nothing stays the same...ahh, but Motley Crue had some deep lyrics...

:)