I used to listen to Andrea Bocelli with Father Phil, some nights after school while waiting for mum to finish teaching. I am listening to him now (albeit without Father Phil) and it seems different now. Something has changed, though whether it's broken I don't know. It's that up and down grey and white time again.
Everything seemed possible then. Everything seems so much harder now.

Now and then, clouds outside my window crash together, and it sounds like thunder. The hot air is heavy with expectation.

I am still uncomfortable. With this whole dual-culture thing. Or is it duel culture. The fight is too hard (heart-wise) and I'm not certain that it's worth it.
I'm listening to a wonderful programme about Patrick Kavanagh, undoubtedly, irrevocably Irish. And I think even if he were transplanted to Australia, to France to wherever, love of the 'other' would still leave him Irish. I do not feel this certainty in my 'original' roots.
That's the only thing I currently find difficult about living here with P and B (That and not being able to walk around naked). Essentially I am the odd one out, not through any fault of their understand, but at the end of the day, we're different in pretty essential ways.

I should sort myself out and write about the trip across the big brown land, if not about the days spent in Canberra, as they were rather unpleasant. But the drive was amazing. And I did it in the
most wonderful car to touch bitumen :-)

Today is all work and little play (although I did wash the car) but tomorrow is the Big Day Out. "I'll meet you at the pie, the pie!"

...

Island Life

Yesterday was a slow day- but in the best possible way. I met Manna for lunch, and by this time Melbourne had put on her summer coat. We sat at a cafe on Southbank and ate hearty Mediterranean food and drank a lovely white from the Margaret River region.
Then we sauntered around for a little while, wheezing at how full we were, but still managed a bit of ice-cream from what-used-to-be-Charmaine's.
Mans bought me a fair dinkum LouisVuitton wallet and two lovely books, and then I came home, and decided against doing any more work.
That's for today.
B and I decided to get out of the house in the evening, as Jill was having people over for drinks. We had dinner on the Southbank (it was just that kind of day) and then met VC to watch the film "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey- a good, empty-head film . This morning will be all about work- there is much to do before we take off on Thursday morning.

I had written Sach an email a couple days ago, just checking in, as they say. And this morning he wrote (of course without having read my email, he wrote because I entered his head at the same time) and also uploaded four songs on YouTube. It was breathtaking hearing that voice again. And Island Life is such a beautiful, familiar song. It happens to be the perfect way to start my busy Sunday.

Beautiful

I am, apparently.
Last night when I was walking up little bourke street to catch a tram to Brunswick, this guy was sitting on the window sill of the hostel and he said quietly as I walked by "Beautiful". Now I wasn't wearing anything spectacular- in fact it was just my uniform of golf punk jeans and white target singlet, because they seem to be the only things that fit anymore. Nevermind, I looked back at him and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say "I'm just saying it like I see it". I walked to the tramstop with a huge smile on my face.

But yesterday was beautiful in many other ways as well. I went to the gym in the morning, to meet Dan and work-out, but Dan overslept, which is fine, because I know I am pretty uniquely strange in my morningness, but bless him he sent three texts to apologise. In the end it was fine because at least I hauled my arse down to the gym, which is the main thing.

Then I went to Geelong. And it was good. Margo overfed me, but I didn't even mind so much this time. And when dad was on his way to work, he dropped me at Peter's house and I finally got to meet his wife and three amazing kids. That whole family looks like they should be in a catalogue. The children are absolutely beautiful. We drank home-brewed beer (the adults only) which was delicious, and I really enjoyed the ease with which we all hung out.

When Pete dropped me at the station, I had a few minutes to wait before my train, so I thought now or never, and I called Ty. It was unbelievable. We laughed with ease at how we had changed, and yet not changed at all. I'm going to write to him, a proper letter through the post, and I'm so excited that we're back in touch again.

In the evening, as I mentioned I went to Brunswick for J's birthday drinks. And when I stepped into the Brunswick Green, of course I saw J and Jules and D etc, but Chrissie was there. Wonderful, effervescent, optimistic Chrissie. We squealed and hugged and squealed and hugged some more, and the whole evening was another re-affirmation of how much I love being back.
I didn't think I'd had that much to drink, but in the morning I noted a photo on my camera of me kissing Ronald McDonald. Enough said.

...

Schneric

No name yet

For my new Holden Commodore!!! Okay, I know I am as excited as a 17 year old boy, but I can't help myself. Shopping for cars is about 8 million times more fun than shopping for anything else, except perhaps food. The possibilities...

So we set off: Dad, Margo, Balint and I down along Thomson Road. The first place we stopped, we saw a silver Holden that grabbed at me, and although a cherry red one had less mileage and was younger, the memory of that silver one followed me to four other car-yards. I only saw one Toyota that I would consider, so with the silver Holden and this white Toyota on my list, we swung back to Corio to pick up the mechanic who would check them out. Well, suffice it to say we never made it back to the Toyota. My new car doesn't yet have a name, but Balint and I took it out to Daylesford yesterday and for a cruise around those beautiful back roads behind Geelong and it drives like a dream. A sexy, fast-yet-safe-feeling, zippy, big dream.

The time at Dad's passed really happily this time, and on Monday night I went for a couple of beers with Peter Philips. The mountain of memories was huge. It was really really great to catch up, again, as with Macca, to revisit old places and also to catch up on news.

Then on Tuesday morning when I was taking the new car to UltraTune.... I stuck my head around the door to the place where all the cars are worked on and called out Hello... this guy starts walking towards me and I think he recognised me before I recognised him:
Anna?

...

Andrew? McKee? The world has shrunk so much. And as I watched him move around, and work I knew that I could never mistake that gait he has. Really all in all it was a wonderful two days.

Today, it's workworkworkwork, but not before a good sweaty work-out! :)
Away

...

Hugs

When I met Dale on 2nd August 2001, he taught me that hugs are the best thing in the world. No matter our zizzy summer that we were living then, the teaching stands true, and this new year's eve when were camping at the staggeringly beautiful Gillard's beach, I was reminded again.

While this summer hasn't been so zizzy, although there have been a few parties, in many ways it has been more memorable. Coming home, re-learning many things, remembering many more. It's funny I thought with B here I would be seeing things new through his eyes, but it appears that my excitement and love are so undiminished, that I'm just happy to see them through mine.

It's sometimes a bumpy ride together, me and B. I need to learn patience, he needs to learn compromise. But we're getting better at it. This teamwork bizzo really works you know :-)
Jutka said when I asked about her profound new year's moment, that she was down by the ocean, and just gave thanks that she was here. My moment was much the same. To be surrounded by good people, people I love, B, and that wide forgiving sky. It should be a fantastic year.

The last few months of 08 were glorious and rife with changes - break-ups, marriages and births and also new friendships that I hope to keep well into 2009 and beyond. I've made no resolutions, they seem only to lead to guilt at not being kept. My major goal now is to get healthy, in all aspects and try and win back some semblance of my spring body.

And as I said in my last post, the memories just keep coming. The dreams I wake up from- Corio and high school and where the hell did ben crawford jump come from???

Tomorrow it's back out to Geelong, to memoryville, and I'm slowly learning to leave the past just right where it is.
Oh, and last night I finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love. I recommend it!!