things have changed again. just as i think i'm back on the straight and narrow - back to scrambling back into a routine... it comes again. a keening text, some mystery flowers... all things i don't want anymore.

last tuesday the messages were from both jay and jess, and they were either or both drunk and chatty in a way i just wasn't ready for. i asked for peace. i didn't get it.
i changed my number and cut all ties that i was able to on facebook and otherwise. i need peace. this has been a thundery stormy road. but since then, i have felt a stillness, and perhaps it's becoming obvious to others too because Sandor said today on skype that i looked better.

this weekend i went horseriding with carmel - near guilderton (where we rented silver creek cottage again) and other than it being a beautiful weekend with one of the best women i know, the horseriding itself was amazing.
we were given horses who were great friends - Nugget and Alice - and kept us at the front of the line, following Denise, the wonderful guide. for an hour and a half we clopped through some beautiful riverland, sometimes across the river, sandy tracks through trees, wattle and hanging mysterious branches. the trotting was a bit terrifying, but all of it made me feel like i wanted to ride more. i want to learn how to ride. they are remarkable animals.

today i took stock of my nutrition and made a solid plan, and then i had one of the most wonderful skype dates with Mum and Sandor.
we talked about Jung and about Paris and just chatted as if we were all sitting around the same table. this getting back of the family feeling is a double edged sword... it's wonderful of course, and makes me feel more of a whole human, but the other side is that I miss them so much more.

there is rain (AGAIN) outside and the prospect of a soggy ride to work, but there is also 7 hours of glorious sleep behind me, and one chapter read of Csikszentmihalyi's book on Creativity. the world is wondrous, i am happy to be in it.