But the dark shapes of trees
scratched at the window
as we hurtled past
and in my chest
thrummed tainted hope

the months flew by
like tattered branches
scratching desperately...
yet when it was good
it was perfect

this morning i was uncertain
of the day it was
of where you were

my compass needle stuttered
uncertainly-
pointing at vast distances
you no longer occupy

uncertain in the flotsam of days
heaved out of sleep
like a madman-
sweat washed and gasping
gaping, in the morning light

in my head we still curl together
in my heart-
your long body is the lean tree
i am looped around
my head in your hands
my head in my hands



My throat was full of fear and madness when I boarded the plane but I managed about forty minutes' sleep and then walked across that baking tarmac to the inspector who was waiting for me. And in a wash of gratitude, I felt like perhaps we would be okay. He was cheerful and smiling but I no longer know if it is just smoothing the blanketing atmosphere or if it is for real.

Whatever it is, it is beautiful. The drive down through the core of the country was different this time - colours enhanced by the plashing rain. And I recited Lawson, loudly, over the din of the diesel engine... "and every creek and gully, sends forth its little flood" etc etc

We stayed in Cue on Thursday night, at the bed-bug-ridden Queen of the Murchison hotel, a huge old rambling building on the main street. Then between Mt Magnet and Wubin, I drove. The Ranger and I get along alright and it's a great feeling being so far above the road.

On Friday night we watched the Great Gatsby because I am worried about the rumoured Baz Luhrmann remake because he wants to cast Leonardo as Jay Gatsby. I don't know who would work well, I can't decide, but watching the Robert Redford version was also a bit painful. Oh Mia Farrow's voice. Eh.

Saturday was M's Christmas Party at the Esplanade in Freo, where we had a deluxe spa room booked. On the way we stopped at the Naked Fig for lunch, the Indian Ocean spread out in heartbraking beauty before us.
The room really was deluxe and we started with champagne on the balcony ... perfection zizzed all around us and I hope so much that the cracks aren't permanent.
We even danced at dinner and survived through the long Sunday to welcome M's brother and family around midnight...

Holidays start tomorrow, and January will be a time for clean slates and renewed hope.

(And it's raining - and that makes me so glad)