I wonder

Am I allowed to be this happy? It sounds corny as, but I am (still) in that stage of pinching myself, and alternately worrying whether I deserve this happiness. I've been such a shit in the past. So here is something that is good and solid and bloody exciting, and there are shadows of myself that will me to be jealous, to fret and doubt. But mostly I am good. Sometimes still a little scared, but mostly hopeful. :)
I've had four wonderful weeks of work, feeling almost like I was at home...
In fact, everything feels kind of cool and beautiful. Autumn is almost like a gift after a sweaty and often un-sunny summer.

Pista

How is it possible to love something to small, furry and surly this much?
Pista is ill; some mysterious irk that is making him lethargic and silent. I knew there was trouble when we were cooking sausages in the kitchen and he didn't even come in to beg.

In other news: time, so fickle, and me, so lazy and helpless...or not helpless?
How to do this? Weber, and work, and B, and cooking and cooing and not even in that order!!
But through the increasing stress and looming panic I am happy. (justpleasegodletthecatbeokay)

Met up with Dezso today. Awkward at first, wondering if he still harboured those same inklings of feelings...but it was fine. He hasn't changed much really, perhaps grown older, maybe wiser, maybe worn a little hard with the difficulties of his life. His son is absolutely beautiful.

B and I had salad and sausages for tea today, and are now drinking Paulaner beer from the bottle, and even though my eyes are stinging from crying over Pista, I can't help smiling at how perfectly we seem to have found each other. Have I mentioned that I'm the luckiest girl in the world?